Saturday, January 12, 2008

Time to Pay the Piper - 01.12.08 - D03P4R3

LIW - 175.4 lbs (12/17/07)
Today's Weight - 181.0 lbs
5.6 OVER LIW

Here is my menu for yesterday. This is what I had:

I didn't stick to a Breakfast / Lunch / Dinner thing yesterday. I pretty much desired fresh, raw food so that is what I fed my body. I ate apples, bananas, oranges, grapes, cherries and walnuts all during the day, drinking also 2 cups of dandelion tea. Throw in a couple of scrambled eggs, and then I made a Blue Cheese Chopped Salad for dinner with a small bit of steak. That was all I wanted, so that is all I ate.

A total of around 1700 calories divided this way: 99 Fat, 169 Carbs, 60 Protein

After I posted yesterday, I actually did find myself a battery and weighed myself. It was not pretty. Keep in mind this was about 2 or so hours later than I usually weigh myself, and that I was working on hardly any sleep, so the numbers may be off, but I was up to 183.4 - wow. Amazing what eating junk will do to you.

Eating majority raw and fresh yesterday really helped me. I dropped 2.4 from that number and I am back down to a more reasonable overage (is that even a word?)

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Stalls, Gains and Cravings - What to do? P2 Experience Only



I received an email this morning, and I wrote such a novel back I decided that my answer to this person would qualify as a post for today. I have removed this person's name from my answer to protect privacy.

This person wanted me to know that they were having basically the same struggles as I have been experiencing over the last week or so and was curious on my thoughts as to why this has happening. HA! Don't EVER ask me to theorize why something is happening on this protocol! Anyhoo, here was my answer to this person!
Not quite sure this time ******. I have my theories, but they are just my theories. I have been thinking a lot about this, especially yesterday. Let me explain.

These insatiable cravings started for me just around the turn of the year. Following my blog, you know I didn't spend one day coming off my R3P2 in true "P3" fashion (error in judgment #1). The 28th of Dec (day 9 of R3P3) was the first day I was over my LIW by more than 2 pounds. And I decided (with regret I might add) that I was not going to bother with bringing it down, that it would come down by itself (error in judgment #2).

Starting that day, the closest I have been to my LIW was on the 4th of Jan, and still that was at 2.4 over. I should have listened to what the good doctor said and taken care of the situation AS IT HAPPENED (error in judgment #3) but I didn't, so is that HIS issue or MINE?

The weekend of the 29th and 30th, I started noticing I was having some sweet cravings. Now ******, this is something that is NOT normal for me, even PRE HCG. My thing, my entire life, has NEVER been sweets, I have always been one to crave SALT. So, I rationalized in my mind that this was something new and that I needed just to go with it (error in judgment #4). I started baking cookies, among other things to satisfy the cravings. As it went on, day by day, I felt more of a need for sweets - it was becoming pretty overpowering. Quite a strange feeling, for me anyway.

Throw in there that this past weekend (the 5th and 6th), I was getting some pretty strange "emotional" feelings, now these in particular reminded me of pre-HCG - I would have these incredible HIGHS and LOWS of mood swings during "that time". I was breaking out in tears for absolutely NO reason, confronting my husband about small issues which led to huge fights, and pretty much wanted total seclusion from the world. It reached a peak on Thursday, and I literally went nuts. I ate things so out of character for me. I blame part of that on the migraine I had, but there was just something inside me that totally flipped a switch.

When deviating from plan during my 2nd and 3rd breaks, I have striven to focus on "it has to be really worth it" for me to eat it. Thursday? It went out the window, I threw that puppy off the Empire State Building in fact. When we went out to dinner that night, I ate things that tasted quite frankly JUST AWFUL. I look back on it and say, OMG - what the HECK was I thinking??? It so wasn't worth it.

Yesterday though? It seriously just STOPPED. The cravings disappeared. I'm not kidding, to show you how serious it was, I didn't even want my coffee. Now THAT is strange! ROFL As quick as this sweet craving thing came on, it left. Today? As I start my morning, I feel NOTHING of what I have felt over the last 10 or so days. No desire for sweets, no emotional disturbance.

So to answer your question, quite frankly, I will say what I have said about this whole protocol, it's nothing but a cr*p shoot. I don't know really why this time I had sweet cravings when in the past I haven't. I know I haven't had a normal menses since I started this protocol. I also know that Dr S was very specific about his protocol, and the choices I have made go in direct conflict to his program, so I have paid the price. Like I said before, it's not HIS fault these things happened. He told me what to expect, and I did my own thing, and this is where it got me.

Let me interject something here, you mentioned that you felt you were finally 'cured' of all your ailments, but now you really wonder. This protocol is an ongoing process ******. I have never looked at this protocol as a "cure" for my emotional attachment to food. I have always looked at this protocol as a "cure" for obesity. It is getting me to my GOAL of a certain weight. My relationship to food is still something I am going to have to work on, probably for the rest of my life. It has also been a tool in helping me become more aware of what I am doing to my body.

All I can do is move on. I am thinking this whole episode was something I had to experience. Another lesson I had to learn to help me in my journey. The BIGGEST lesson I am learning ******, is not to freak about it. I am learning to have a different relationship with food. For every two steps I take forward, I have to step back one just to see where I am.

I seriously don't know if this answered your question. But let me tell you this. I don't think this whole episode had anything to do with artificial sweeteners, and everything to do with hormones.


On to my commenter's - these are my responses to yesterday's comments:
CB - I will consider that CB in an upcoming post. Just FYI tho, I think that if Dr S would have seen a relationship with bad breaks and short rounds, he would have said something, but that is just my gut response right now. Thanks for being there my sweet, just knowing that your there is comforting.

Wendy - The first time I had fried pickles, I was in Mobile AL right after Katrina hit and I was doing some relief work there. It was at this country restaurant and I went GAGA over these things. Thursday night? They were NOT worth the 2nd bite, yet I kept eating, what was up with that??? When you going back on to P2 again???

Crystal - Your injecting daily? You doing a short round or what? I finally can't WAIT to get back on P2! That feeling has finally come back! I am so ready!

Jennifer - Like I told CB I will attempt to cover that whole short round thing in a future post. I really don't think the two relates ya know? But that is my GUT feeling. I had issues on my last break and that was after a 6 week P2 - so I don't know. How is the blog coming???

Renee - Let me know your new addy ASAP I have some THINGS to discuss! ROFL! You are kicking butt girl, and taking names!

Lili - Ok girl, $21 for HOW MUCH??? You didn't tell us the iu you can get it in. I need INFO! Oh, and I sent you my snail mail addy, but I got a auto response from your email, so hopefully you got it ok??? WOO HOO on your internet addiction! Now I don't have to miss you ALL THAT MUCH! ROFL

B - Thanks girl, I did a bit of harm, but I am over it now, back to the basics ya know???
Another day! Make it a good one!

Biz

4 Comments:

maryg911 said...

Hormones suck don't they? I had the same experience. My first round I craved sweets my second round it was all salty, so what is up with that? These rollercoaster emotional states and hormones just bite the big one!!

Burcu J said...

I think sometimes craving is emotional sometimes is just what our bodies ask for.. Mines are mostly emotional, I just want it not that I need it..During TOM is a different story thats when hormons kick in and I really go crazy about sweets and bread type of food..

Paul said...

You may in fact be correct about the sweet craving coming from hormones .... but they might not be just female hormones, because I get them too.
As something I have had to deal with over the years, I came to know that yeast played a huge role in sweet cravings too. And when I consumed yeast products my cravings skyrocketed.
If I gave into the craving and ate the sugar, it fed the yeast, calmed me down for a little while, until the old yeast and all the newly made yeast (from the sugar I consumed) reared up again.
My love of bread only made the problem worse that only seemed to lessen when I would do a Candida cleanse. One consisting in Black Walnut drops, Sweetish Bitters Elixir, and Psyllium Husks pills. That flush would usually make the cravings go away for months.Just a thought.

Crystal Lee said...

Interesting post. :) I was finally able to fend off my emotional attachment to food. In fact I almost hate eating anymore. :P
I do know though during TOM I crave foods like a son of a gun.
I found it better to "give in" than to fight it. By this I mean a very small amount. For example if you are craving chocolate I eat one dove chocolate candy. This normally snaps me back and since they are small....it does not hurt so much.

I have never been a bread person...just sweets. So I do not have that battle.

Paul had a good point about the yeast rising up again....a good yeast cleanse and asodophilus will help fix that problem.

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